LTD Hotel

 

With so much hyperbole surrounding the service industry today, it’s refreshing when a franchise puts their sparse face out there, sparing all bones, allowing for no mis-read  expectations about their list of amenities. The Ramada Limited is one such business.

You can’t even tighten up their name. It’s genius. Not, Ramada Lite; or Just a touch of Ramada. None of that cornball Mad Men mentality. Just, ‘Limited. We can only go so far, the rest is up to you.

We were just in town for a couple of nights on business, and wanted nothing more than free wi-fi, a hot shower and AMC on the cable so I could catch the mid-season finale of TWD (I’d elaborate on that acronym, but inspired by my stay with Ramada, I have only so many words left).

Truth is, everything was as they said, and less. Just what we wanted (to be honest). We didn’t have to pay for excess sized bars of soap. We just got the basic,  Triscuit sized, non-sudsy square. No ridiculous ice container (we brought our dog’s own water bowl, thank you), and no mint on the pillow. The tiny cheese Danish fit just fine in the shoebox of a microwave in the cubby-hole of a waffle-lobby for the free continental fare. It was actually just right for us and our baby bear–Shadow, our malamute, loved the bed; and the all-you-can-poop parking lot outside next to the swatch of actual grasses.

But as you might expect, someone missed a meeting. Back when the Ramada execs were  talking at that company retreat, at some rest stop somewhere soaking up all that free parking, someone came late and thought it a good idea after all was said and sufficiently bud-nipped, to bring to the table the notion of the SquirtAmiser 2000–the extra everything shower head.

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The (as I call it) SQUIRT-A-MIZER 2000.

When I pulled the thin curtain back, ready to take a five-minute shower, I was gobsmacked with disbelief. How, in a place that prides itself on minimalistic amenities, could they exude the kind of gaul it would require to install these babies in a bare-bones bathroom?

Literally the size of my dog’s head, this unit pushed out the water in a myriad of ways. With just a dribble of pressure from the spigot, this head cranked up the power and upped the luxury with its constant, full steady stream ; its pulsating, dice your clavicle spurts; and its combined massage and chop, Shiatsu face-slapper spatter.

People complain all the time about  hotels on Yelp, Trip Advisor, etc; not offering much. But this is one place I thought deserved some third-party kudos for being honest (for the most part) about what they didn’t provide. Had they put this  shower-head in the brochure, I’d probably have said, “Hell no! I ain’t paying for that!”

Thank you Ramada, you sold me on almost nothing, but came through with way more than I bargained for.