Top Ten reasons why I’m Sick of winters in Wyoming

What Charles Kuralt called "the most beautiful drive in America," Wyoming's Sunlight Basin's 10,947-foot pass, includes sky-high peaks, glacial lakes, and some of the harshest winter weather anywhere in the western United States. ©D.Vaughan photo

When I first announced to my family and friends 18 years ago that I was leaving sunny California for the wide open spaces of Wyoming, nearly everyone predicted I’d not last through the first winter. I’m sure they weren’t suggesting my teeth would be found in the scat of some grizzly; just that I’d hate the winters so much that I’d come back eagerly to my hour-long one-way commutes in and around the Bay Area and forgo the silly notions of ever leaving the Sunshine State again.

Well, the skeptics were partly right I suppose. I am tired (finally) of the winters in Wyoming. However, I can’t see myself ever-moving back to the hysterical haze of California. Until I can sell a house or two here, I’m stuck – like the proverbial tongue on an icy tether ball pole – until I can settle into the next right place for me.

All I know is that it shall be a land void of the need for mittens and 4×4 vehicles.

Until then, I thought I’d assist those who are searching for just the right way to sum up their dreary winter sentiments with the following “top ten” list. Feel free to add to these and denote your own icy state, wherever that may be.

Buffalo Bill reservoir in Cody, Wyoming, at half-thaw ... or is it half frozen?

10. If you don’t know Frost, then you don’t know Jack, son.

9.  We have two choices here, hibernation or intoxication.

8. At least the yellow snow is warm.

7. After 18 winters here, my outty has become an inny.

6. You know it’s cold when your ceramic garden gnome tries to gut you and crawl inside your frozen carcass.

5. Today another six inches of frozen flakes fell, and that was just inside my apartment.

4. On the upside, I’ve not had to resort to eating dead rugby players yet.

3. My nose is too blue to blow.

2. I can’t wait for summer to get here, what a DAY that will be.

And yes, the number one reason I’m sick of Wyoming’s weather:

1. My axle grease is congealed.